I'll pass on cake

I (actually my mother) made the bold decision to forego cake for all of the guests. Instead we will have a small ceremonial cake (which of course guests can choose to eat) and then offer a menagerie of tarts, pastries, petit fours, sorbet etc.

I'm glad that my mom suggested this. I'm not a huge fan of cake. I'll probably have the chocolate mousse instead.

I'm leaving you for posh

I saw connlady's response to the last post and gasped.

three important issues:

1. the tomkat nuptuals in italy at some giant hotel (I'm not a fan).
2. katie:kate::ricky:rick
3. kate is besties with posh spice? what does that mean? how did that happen? Is she a scientologist?

other updates - kate will be wearing armani despite specualtion she would be in valentino.
It is also speculated that The newlywed Cruises will spend some time at Clooney's Lake Como pad after the wedding.

There's also the threat that the Holmes parents will not attend the wedding because of the scientology thing.

So Kate is with Posh and Cruise is with Clooney - something isn't right.

Save the Date - No Not the Wedding

The Wedding is August 4th. Hope you can come.

But more importantly is the shower/bachelorette party (the trashy but lady one) to be held in providence on Saturday July 14th.

My Mother is hosting an actual lady Bridal Shower on Saturday June 16th in Buffalo - of course all of you are invited - but the IMPORTANT event is the July date.

I've decided to condense the shower and bachelorette into one day - brunch - then lingerie party with simon doing tricks (the illegal kind) at the seakonk motel we all stay in- we can get two motel rooms and cram in. it will be horrible. - then dinner at a restaurant of my choice (likely vinny testicles) - primer drinks at a bar of my choice (p.s. not the geeser - likely the bar at chili's or outback steakhouse) - then the highlight of the night: MURRAY'S!!! - karaoke karaoke karaoke!!!!!! - this is practice for the wedding - so get to work. After murray's our chaperone simon will escort the ladies back to the motel - because he drives a small yuppie car we will need to borrow or rent some kind of caravan. The following morning is a late lunch at chinese buffet. Anyone that comes early or stays later is welcome to stay with simon or myself.

If people are amenable to this then let me know or propose alternate ideas- I will certainly pay for myself since I'm already asking all of you to pay way too much money. If you can only come for part of the day that's just fine.

I don't

How does one say no?

I am pretty comfortable negociating everything about this wedding with few exceptions. One of them is the dress.

This friday I begin the first serious wedding dress search. This time I have an appointment to try-on. I'm going with Simon and my mother.

How do I get out of being pushed into getting a dress that everyone else likes but Idon't - and more importantly, how do I avoid getting pushed into a dress I don't want from the sales people.

I don't want them pushing strapless dresses on me - I don't want that. And I don't want them top push me into a derss $1000 more than I want to spend.

strategies?

wedding flop

I'm wondering if any of you went to a "bad wedding"? Or a wedding in which parts were bad. As such I want to know what made the wedding bad.

I went to a wedding last year in which no one danced. that was weak. how do you get people on the floor? and how do I pick music without offending the blue hairs too much. During dinner I suppose one needs to play standards from the rat pack or jazz - yes?

Do I need to get a separate band for the early reception and switch to the dj?

I also went to a wedding with a 20's theme - which no one adhered to and didn't really cohere - plus they served absinthe which I found to be a bit much.

set the damn date!

my pop culture sources aledge that brangelina won t tie the knot since gay people are not allowed to get married in most of this country s states. while i agree in principle, their gesture seems to me empty and annoying at best, idiotic and 'touchy feely' at worst.

which leads me to speculate, why can t they just get married? not only did mr pitt (a decent character actor passing as a movie star) adopt maddox, but now they have a love child who is clearly theirs (take note, suri). while the love child is not scandalous by any means, i am a bit mystified by the adoption. how can ms jolie have mr pitt be the father of their child if they remain unmarried? what is that all about? who do they think they are, goldie hawn and kurt russell? more importantly, should we speculate that it is angeline who might want to remain free and not the other way around?

plus do they really think their gesture is helping gay people beyond being solidary? perhaps they are also advancing legislature without my knowledge. either way, a-list celebrity couples are getting annoying. especially their non-existing weddings.

the only justification i find for stalling would be a double wedding featuring brangelina AND tomkat. that would be so AWESOME and would truly be the wedding of the century. a contemporary aniston-vaughn rehearsal dinner would be in order.

moral of the story: get married already. or break up. i would like to see who angelina dates next.

the wedding DOB

so what's the protocol on the ladies styling situation the day before and day of the wedding?

I'm going to keep the budget within reason but will not offend if it can be avoided. Those ladies in the immediate wedding get mani - pedi the day before and hair and makeup day of the wedding right? does it all get done the morning of the wedding? but what about the more peripheral people in the wedding? readers and usherettes? what's the protocol there - should I be paying for them to have a DOB too (for non subscribers to ladieslunch.blogspot.com DOB is short for "day of beauty")?

obviously since simon is in the immediate bridal party and on my side he will be receiving mani-pedi and hair the next day as well - without protest. Because he's at the highest level of wedding party he may receive a microdermabrasion facial treatment as well.

Please also note that the bride's head has exploded in the picture above. Why is giant hair the norm for weddings? GIANT HAIR!

louis wedding follow up

sorry gals (and simon) i forgot to update about the wedding i was invited to earlier in september.

as i deduced from the venue (venus de milo) , the festivity was a full-on italian american affair. the venue itself had a lobby decorated with a copy of said sculpture and two copies of david's 'the oath of the horatii' and 'the death of socrates.' i can see they were going for a neo classicist vibe but i am not sure how these paintings clued in a festive atmosphere.

the best man was cute. or i have no taste. i tend to think the latter.

johnny and albert picked me up. i got a new dress since i figured i might as well look good if i was going to crash. on the way to the wedding albert called johnny 'a fucking asshole.' this was after johnny gleefully remnisced about the time he an albert were driving and the car tipped over due to the road s iciness. i guess you had to be there.

it is perfectly ok to give the couple a check as a gift. i asked about a registry but am not sure i got a response. there was a big white box to put checks in. apparently at a simultaneous reception the box was stolen. i wish i had stolen it.

the dj introduced himself as dj giovanni. i am not sure he works in western new york but i would love it if he did. the wedding party entered to a techno rendition of one of those 'traditional' italian songs. i wish i knew the name.

the food was ok. i ate way too much. the bar was a cash bar. ordinarily this would be a big problem but since the couple had two kids and one on the way i think it was an ok move. i kind of hate kids but obviously they come first. i can t complain since i went to their wedding and barely knew them.

most people looked good. some ladies wore slacks and could not pull it off. as a general rule i think people should make an effort to look better than what they usually do.

quote of the night: "it must suck not to be able to drink at your own wedding!"
but that s what you get if you are pregnant and intend to make an honest woman out of yourself.

moral of the story: whatever you do, do not get pregnant before the wedding and keep an eye on all the sealed envelops you receive.

"trends"

so just type in the term "wedding trends" into any search engine and prepare to be offended. i found this list of ten things you can pretty much ignore when doing your planning. well, except for maybe one:

1) Diamond or Rhinestone Hair Accessories: NO. i will not even reproduce the description of this "trend"

2) Color in Unexpected Places: interesting but do you really wand shoes that don't match your outfit on your wedding day?

The trend of having colored trim on a wedding dress will continue, but brides will find new ways of incorporating color into their look. Perhaps it will be the blue or bright red bottoms of their shoes, or a colored crinoline underskirt. These are ideal because they don't interrupt the all-white model but they show off a bride's fun side when she is kicking up her heels to dance.

3) Fur and Faux Fur: no and no.

4) Personal and Whimsical Touches: this mostly relates to favors, so we can do away with the cutesy, right?

5) Metallic Embroidery and Fabrics: remember this was also a trend in 1978. i say, nothing should be shimmery.

6) Hot Colors: i don' t know, is this classy? do you even like "rich orange"?

The two hottest wedding colors will be chocolate brown and a rich orange, although usually not together. Chocolate brown is often paired with pastel colors such as blue, pink or sometimes, though rarely, a celadon green. Rich orange is also a popular choice. Be sure to understand that this is not glaring orange, but rather, one that suggests opulence and often has a bronze undertone. This orange can be paired with red or cream for beautiful results.

7) Small Plates or Tapas: this is the best of the bunch. they suggest a "loungy" kind of reception. or at least cocktail hour.

8) Disposable Video Cameras: no, see my earlier arguments on regular disposable cameras

9) Wedding Logos: ew, wedding branding. shameless.

10) Donations to Charity and Doing Good Through Your Wedding: on the surface it sounds, well, noble. but i hesitated even suggesting this because now if you don't do some charity thingy is there guilt associated with it? could you donate your unwanted gifts to hurricane relief?

registered wedding offender

gist
I HATE this registry shit. I'm avoiding it like the plague. Everything I like is a zillion dollars and I'm not going to be the person that asks people to buy a $750 china setting (see left).

I always thought this would be fun. NO.

Any suggestions on stuff?

themes

My mother is mostly allowed to do what she wants with this wedding. fair enough.

I mentioned calla lilies as a favorite flower of mine in the hopes that she would be chill with those as a componant of my flowers.

she has taken this to heart and would like to make calla lilies "the theme" of the wedding. I'm not sure I'm really into themes - and what theme cocktail could I serve as a result?

I mean there could be worse - butterflies or something - at least callas are semi-understated. frankly I'm probably going to let my mom go to town on this one but there need to be limits right? perhaps a calla reference on the cake - and if favors were involved (which I really don't give a crap about) I suppose a favor related to callas would be ok - but can't it go too far? pillows? pen set? toasting glasses? really?

they didn't have friends