My Wedding is Mine

Monday, September 04, 2006

do they really have to come?

What are the outer limits of the invitees?

Since I'm not eloping and my parents are going to invite a lot of people - who can I ax and who is obligatory?

Do I have to invite my college roommate I lost touch with even though I was invited to her wedding?

Do I have to invite people I'm not necessarily fond of if he/she is a good friend of my friends?

Do I have to agree to invite friends of the groom that I don't like?

Do I have to let my parents invite whomever they want?

posted by vp @ 5:00 PM  

13 Comments:

  • At 5:25 PM, Blogger ms. AB said…

    doesn't it depend on who's footing the bill for your reception?

    i don't think there should be a reciprocating policy on invitations. i am also against the concept of the B and C list that get late invitations based on the regrets of the A list invitees.

     

  • At 5:27 PM, Blogger Simon said…

    I think, probably, those paying for the wedding have the right to invite anyone they like --and except in extreme circumstances better night to fight with the groom over his invitees.
    But I also think YOU don't have to invite anyone you are not genuinely friends with (so no college roommates required)--unless it is someone who will carry a grudge AND whom you have to see everyday in your regular life.
    Also, you can be liberal inviting people you are SURE won't attend. The care must be taken: sometimes an invitation can be misinterpreted as evidence that you think yourself "besties" --when in fact you just expect a damned expensive gift, and regrets!

     

  • At 5:29 PM, Blogger Simon said…

    Sorry for the redundancy, ms. ab, your comment just popped up.

    You've been a busy-blogger today...

     

  • At 6:28 PM, Blogger ms. AB said…

    i am trying to write a boatload of lectures. therefore i am actually blogger-ing.

     

  • At 5:44 AM, Blogger vp said…

    Mostly I'm interested in how to get out of inviting people that are expecting an invitation that I don't want to invite - namely because they suck. There would be some rather unfortunate fallout if I didn't invite certain persons which would be uncomfortable not just for me but also for all of my friends. But these people are such bitchy brats I don't want to perpetuate any illusion that we are friends - which a wedding invitiation certainly does.

    the issue here is this - if I don't give one of these people an invitation it will read as a breakup proclimation. But if I do give him/her one, I will be metaphorically letting him/her think s/he's on the a list in my life. woof.

    As for my college roommate - there's no bad blood between us, but we haven't seen eachother in ages - but my dad was close to her parents when I was in college. he wants me to invite her. I don't care that much if she comes but I want to limit the invitees to the degree that I can.

    ms. ab is right - either you're on the list or not. no late invites. I've been a late invite once and you don't want to go because you weren't in the first round, but you also feel you have to. and parents get to invite whomever they choose true - but it's looking like my parents will be inviting more than john and I combined. and I think that's a bit much.

     

  • At 6:06 AM, Blogger vp said…

    yeah your godparent needs to be catholic right? - so damn that leaves simon out - friendo, maybe you need to convert as my bridesmaid.

    so whomelse is catholic (even in the most liminal sense)?

    mariana - I couldn't possibly ask you to have to care for a child in any capacity.

    gena? - I'm a little frightened about early exposure to the pgw.

     

  • At 6:10 AM, Blogger vp said…

    oops - I put this under the wrong thread - see below.

    ohh - how bad is it to invite someone solely the gift you know they'd by you.

    I'm fairly sure this guy I know would buy john and I a lifetime supply of wine. the problem is that he tends to get a little molesty of the gentleman when trashed - and he will get trashed. ask john and simon about this - he is in love with both of them.

    simon, perhaps you will need to take one for the team and "offer yourself" to him for the evening.

    that seems totally evil but I'm comfortable with that.

     

  • At 8:11 AM, Blogger vp said…

    ohh - and I have a pair of married friends . I broke up with one of the husbands last spring and the other husband and I are still friends.

    Now OBVIOUSLY you can't invite one without the other - but do I not invite them at all or invite both of them?

     

  • At 8:25 AM, Blogger ms. AB said…

    i don't think the non-vite is necessarily a break up declaration (although you could defintely play it off as one). i mean, for all the non-vitee knows, it's a super small, intimate affair, with limited seating capacity etc. maybe i'm naive, but a non-vitee might believe this, unless of course they read about the affair in the society pages and find there were 500 guests.

    now if it's a matter of people you know on the same level or in the same capacity but some you like and others you don't, that's tougher. (i.e. "the group" of friends, or "the girls from the office"). is it possible that the non-vitees would turn up as the +1s? invite a girl and she brings the guy you despise as her guest? can't really control that.

     

  • At 9:15 AM, Blogger vp said…

    the issue is the later - one of the girls in the group/office lady thing - but I hate drama so I'm just going to extend the invite - it's just easier at the end of the day.

     

  • At 11:27 AM, Blogger me said…

    i would only invite people that would wish me well. wholeheartedly. otherwise it would be disrespectful to myself and my family.

    and whoever your parents want you to invite.

     

  • At 12:09 PM, Blogger vp said…

    is there any way to invite someone and then "discourage them" from coming?

     

  • At 4:41 PM, Blogger ms. AB said…

    newsflash from miss manners. she says never offer that it's cost that's leading to a smaller guest list. or even a small location. you are essentially saying, i could have an elaborate ice sculpture or have you. or i could have my wedding at a fabulous small locale without you or an ordinary one with you. sorry, the locale won. not that that isn't the reality, but you never indicate that to anyone.

    i get your question though. i say screw 'em, don't send invites. unless of course you mean me.

     

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